Me want lemon
by Jennifer Kinneas
Summary: *Seifuu* Fujin needs a freaking lemon. Suggestiveness of the extreme kind and mild language.


STANDARD DISCLAIMER: All characters but Melanie owned by Squaresoft.

The most of the fanfic writers of today are cruel people.

Some characters get romance, some get lemon, and some get roles as messengers of love setting up two people or a minor role. But one girl is a slave for the most of it, or maybe a friend that wants more but is never successful. That's why my friends are joining the circle of prayer for her to get a lemon, not a Yuri, but that's another thing.

This is a story, about a girl who desperately wanted a lemon, and got a chance to make her wishes come true, but can she run with it? Or will she ruin her chances?

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"FU!" 

"SEIFER- LOUD. WHAT WANT?" Fujin held in her anger at the shortening of her name. It wasn't much of a pet name, though it's not like it was intended to be anyway. The only reason Seifer had begun to use it was because Raijin thought it was cute, and he was too lazy to say her full name. Besides, it was much better for abrupt shouts from across the house.

"Get me a beer."

So she did, without question. It was quite normal for Seifer to demand things from her.

Maybe she should try one, why not? So she gave Seifer his beer and got one for herself. Opening it, it didn't smell too good. Smoke was coming from it as well. Maybe there was something wrong with this one, but wasn't that just the way things went for our dear Fujin.

Then suddenly the smoke swirled and formed a gigantic girl, appearing to be young by her height and face, but weighing far more then a teen could possibly gain. She had orange freckles, orange hair, and even orange eyes, but the strangest thing was her pale orange skin.

"500 dollars for a piece of meat!" She screamed slapping her thigh, making it jiggle... er, bounce. After giving a quick glance at Fujin she frowned. "Oh… a girl. That's the first time that's happened in a long time. Well, let's get this over with. I don't exactly prefer the female company. Name's Melanie, never use it." 

Then with a flick of her hair Melanie glanced down on Fujin once more and shook her head. A failure on God's part for all she was concerned. She was actually only looking down on Fujin because she was floating. She had to make up for only being 5 feet tall somehow, though your status can never be so good when you are owned by a bottle.

"UNIMPRESSED." Also gross, because of the way her chins moved when she looked down like that.

"Why you little-" Melanie was quickly interrupted by a yell that had erupted from the living room. 

"Fu? What the hell is going on!" Fujin would hear about this one later. She had been heavily punished before for being rude to people coming by the house, never mind a guest, and a guest with magical powers at that. The posse didn't exactly need any extra attention at this point in time. She had to think of something to keep Seifer away so that she might be able to save her ass later.

"SALESMAN." That ought to buy her time...

"Then what was that about you being a girl?" Goddammit! Why did he have to ask? He only cared when she wanted nothing to do with him.

"PRODUCT- UNSATISFACTORY." Hopefully he would think it was for male organ enlargement or something. Wait, Seifer would love that! Our dear Fu was going to have to think of something specific... fast...

But it was too late. Seifer came down the hall in his robe, greasy, tired, and only slightly drunk, but still desirable none the less.

"A-WOO-GAH!" Melanie cried. "What's that marvelous piece of meat? He's a pretty thing!"

With that she walked over to Seifer and lowered herself until her hips were at his, and rubbed. Or tried to, but her weight slammed his manliness and sent him flying back on to the floor clutching himself.

"SEIFER INJURED?" Fujin cried. Melanie looked at her with disgust.

"Don't get yourself worked up over one set of balls. Though I suppose he's all you could hope for. I don't know how you got a hunk like him in the first place."

Fujin wasn't sure if Melanie could feel the anger radiating from her. Most people would be running right now. This girl was sure full of her self...

"Oh quit fuming. I was only kidding. I used to know a guy that would love that little fashion statement you have going. I believe his name was Hitler. Now, let's get going! Standard genie, three wishes."

"R-RAGE!" Fujin paused, and then beamed. Three wishes? A 30-second evil laugh followed. It just seemed right... She felt so evil you would call it eviiil... Like it's the fruits of the deviiil! Eviiiiil! "REQUEST LEMON." A lemon appeared in her hands. "NEGATIVE. LEMON!"

"…" Melanie paused and tried to scratch her nose in puzzlement, but her cheek got in the way.

"PANTS?" What other word could she use?

"You want pants?" What the hell was this chick talking about? 

"NEGATIVE!" This is a confusing little conversation. Notice I don't use the names. It's so you have to think about who it is, and then in the long term you remember the fanfic for longer.

"What's a negative? Is that some kind of newfangled gadget?"

"No! I speak in one/two sentence words!" Fujin fumed and sighed, abandoning her rough speech pattern.

"You aren't now." Melanie gloated; looking quite pleased with herself. 

"AFFIRMATIVE. I want a lemon as in a fanfiction with male/female [censored]!" Fujin turned red as she said this.

"They're all over fanfiction.net!" Melanie was just as frustrated.

"Please try to understand me," Fujin tried again. "I want male/female [censored] in this fanfiction."

Melanie moved towards Seifer, who was clutching himself dumb-founded in the corner. He managed to move backward clutching himself.

"NEGATIVE. NOT YOU." Melanie waved her fingers before Fujin could say more.

Zell and Irvine appeared. [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence]

Notice how I used two guys. I don't want to strain Seifer's naughty bits. After all, he's still right there.

"That's not what I meant! I meant with me!" Fujin patience had ended long ago.

"You're a [censored] one." Melanie yelled, frustrated by the fact she couldn't please such a simple girl. "Alright, who do you want your lemon with?"

There wasn't anybody she'd rather have a lemon with than Seifer, but he was crushed in places that her lemon needed. "Um… Irvine… Zell?"

"Oh, so you changed your mind?"

Zell and Irvine appeared. [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence]

"No! I was saying either one!"

"Wish for a speech-therapist." Melanie laughed... and then laughed. No, seriously Melanie that's not funny.

"NEGATIVE!" Fujin had to do something or kill someone...

"Stop it!" Seifer yelled. "You two are getting on my nerves!"

He grabbed Fujin and pulled her into his room. What a quick recovery... Well, he had been doing his exercises.

[Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence]**"SeeeeeiiiiiiiFER." **[Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] **Gasps.** [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] **Groans.** [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence] [Censored sentence].

Melanie yelled into the bedroom when the noise subsided. "I can't leave until I successfully grant three wishes."

"Alright, go away, leave me alone for ever, AND STICK A GIANT LEMON UP YOUR [censor]."

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Seifer got his beer, Fujin got her lemon, and Melanie didn't stick a giant lemon up her [censor], and got chewed up by her boss for defying her master and was fired. As soon as she lost her powers as a genie she lost her immortality and died from too much cholesterol.

Serves her right.

Irvine and Zell are both no longer gay and can't understand why they [censored] at all, neither do they remember how it started. 

[Censored] author [censored] ending this [censored] story before it gets [censored] out of [censored] control.

If you want me to review your story, mail me at jenniferkinneas@hotmail.com and believe in the power of yourself!


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